How Radical Acceptance Transforms Your Life
Radical acceptance is a concept rooted in mindfulness and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that involves fully acknowledging and embracing reality as it is, without resistance or judgment.
It means accepting the present moment or a difficult situation, even if it’s painful or unjust, instead of fighting against it or wishing it were different.
Radical acceptance does not mean approving of or condoning the situation—it’s not about liking or agreeing with what has happened. Instead, it’s about recognizing that resisting reality often intensifies suffering, while acceptance allows you to focus on coping and moving forward.
It means having the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them. And doing this will reduce your suffering caused by the situation.
But also, from my perspective, it’s all about energy. I talk about this at length in all my therapy sessions. What does this mean? You are choosing to use your energy towards something that you simply cannot change. How you use your energy every day is entirely up to you.
You can stay in the past, becoming increasingly resentful, but that does nothing to change the situation. It is what it is. Time marches on and it stops for no one. You and you alone are the only person that decide how you want to live your life. As Mel Robbins says, ‘no one is coming.’
Ask yourself, ‘is this the way I want to continue to live my life, or do I want to take the steps to live a more intentional and empowered life?’
YOUR energy. YOUR choice.
3 Key Aspects of Radical Acceptance
Letting Go of Control: Recognizing that some things are beyond your control and cannot be changed.
Reducing Emotional Resistance: Accepting feelings of anger, sadness, or frustration without judgment, so they lose their grip over you.
Focusing on What You Can Do: Shifting energy away from resisting reality to taking productive steps toward healing, problem-solving, and personal growth.
6 Common Reasons Practicing Radical Acceptance is Challenging
1. Fear of Losing Control
You believe that acknowledging a painful reality means giving up control or influence over the situation. This fear can make it harder to let go of resistance. Actually, it is the opposite. Acknowledging your pain means that you are in control of the situation.
2. Belief That Acceptance Equals Approval
You feel that accepting a situation means condoning or agreeing with it. This belief can prevent you from embracing acceptance, especially in cases involving injustice or trauma. Acceptance does not equal condoning.
3. Emotional Overwhelm
Painful emotions like anger, sadness, or guilt can feel so overwhelming that accepting the reality of a situation seems impossible or unbearable. Yes - these feelings are real but if you start to embrace radical acceptance and find a way to manage your feelings in a healthy way, it will help you move on - faster.
4. Attachment to “What Could Have Been”
You are stuck mourning the loss of their expectations, dreams, or how they believed things "should" have turned out. We all are guilty of doing that. I refer to that as ‘Monday morning quarterbacking’. But if you go back to what happened and examine it from where you were at that time - not where you are now - this provides a more honest context.
5. Desire for Justice or Fairness
When a situation feels unjust or unfair, you find it difficult to accept it without feeling like one is betraying their values or "letting someone off the hook." Radical acceptance is the opposite. It is about choosing your energy and deciding how you want to live more in the present to create a healthier future for yourself.
6. Difficulty Letting Go of Resistance
Resistance often feels like a form of self-protection. You may believe that if you stop fighting reality, you are giving up or resigning themselves to a painful fate, even though resistance often leads to more suffering. And this is the vicious cycle that you mind find yourself.
But, it just sucks the energy out of you, keeping you stuck and hopeless. The goal is to become more hopeful about your life and your future. That’s where your energy should go.
Example:
You are struggling with radical acceptance from being raised by an emotionally immature parent due to a lack of emotional support you received as a child and now as an adult.
Scenario:
Your parent frequently dismissed your feelings or needs, often saying things like, “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal” or “You’re too sensitive.” As a child, you internalized the belief that your emotions didn’t matter and struggled to feel seen or validated.
Present Struggle:
Now as an adult, you find it difficult to accept the fact that your parent was incapable of providing the emotional support you needed, not because you didn’t deserve love, but because your parent lacked the emotional maturity to give it. Instead of accepting this reality, you hold onto resentment or hope that your parent will change, seeking validation or apologies that may never come (spoiler alert: they seldom, if ever do).
The Challenge with Radical Acceptance:
Accepting that your parent may never be the nurturing figure you continue to long for feels like giving up on the dream of a healthy parent-child relationship. It also triggers deep feelings of grief and loss, which can feel overwhelming to process. This resistance keeps you stuck in cycles of anger, sadness, or frustration, unable to move forward emotionally.
Your Path Forward:
Using radical acceptance, you begin to acknowledge the truth about your parent’s limitations and shift your focus - and your energy - toward healing and meeting your emotional needs yourself.
Acceptance doesn’t mean excusing your parent’s behavior; it means letting go of the expectation for change and choosing to focus on personal growth and building healthier relationships in the present. Doing this doesn’t mean you excuse your parent’s behaviors, but provides more of an explanation - even if you don’t like it.
Ultimately, practicing radical acceptance helps reduce your suffering, fosters emotional resilience, and opens pathways for greater inner peace and effective decision-making.
How To Start Practicing Radical Acceptance
Acknowledge Your Emotions Without Judgment
Recognize and name your feelings (anger, sadness, disappointment) without labeling them as “right” or “wrong.” Accept that it’s okay to feel how you feel. Start to journal your feelings which will allow you to connect the dots but most importantly it will provide insight into how you have been able to change - over time.
Grieve What You’ve Lost
Allow yourself to mourn unmet expectations, past injustices, or dreams that didn’t come true. Grieving is an essential step in moving toward acceptance. This is often a challenging step, but necessary for personal growth and greater emotional well-being.
Challenge Unrealistic Beliefs About Control
Remind yourself that some things are beyond your influence. Focus on what you can change and let go of the rest. This goes back to how you will choose to use your energy. Having unrealistic or lofty expectations will keep you stuck because you will keep returning to these, allowing the resentment to grow (and it will).
Practice Mindfulness
Stay present in the moment instead of dwelling on what could have been. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or body scans, can help ground you in the here and now. Mindfulness is all about accepting how you feel without passing judgment on yourself. Mindfulness simply works.
Reframe Acceptance as Strength, Not Resignation
Acceptance doesn’t mean you condone or approve of a situation. It means choosing to face reality as it is so you can respond effectively and reduce unnecessary suffering. Reframing your experiences as strengths creates Posttraumatic Growth (PTG).
Posttraumatic growth is positive psychological change that some individuals experience after going through a traumatic event. It involves finding greater resilience, personal strength, and a deeper sense of meaning in life. People may develop a new perspective on relationships, spirituality, or life’s priorities, often emerging with a stronger sense of purpose and appreciation.
Develop Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself throughout the process. Understand that healing and acceptance take time, and it’s okay to move at your own pace.
I often say that learning how to have greater self-compassion is treating yourself as you would a friend. You would be there for your friend, comfort them, and understand their suffering but you would also want them to move on from the situation. Apply that rule to yourself.
Use Affirmations or Mantras
Repeat phrases that reinforce acceptance, such as:
“This moment is difficult, but I can handle it.”
“I may not like this reality, but I accept it as it is.”
Let Go of Resentment
Work on releasing anger or bitterness toward others or the situation. Forgiveness, not for others but for your own peace, can be part of the healing process. This is an important step and one that shouldn’t be overlooked or avoided. It will bring you great peace and will help quiet your mind.
Focus on Personal Growth
Redirect your energy toward self-improvement, hobbies, or relationships that bring you fulfillment and joy. It is also about using radical acceptance towards greater personal growth and being more intentional about your life.
Final Thoughts
Radical acceptance is a powerful tool for healing and personal growth, allowing you to embrace life as it is, without judgment or resistance. By accepting the present moment and your emotions without wishing things were different, you create space for peace, clarity, and growth.
It doesn’t mean you have to like everything that happens or give up on change, but it allows you to stop fighting reality and focus on what you can control. Through radical acceptance, you can reduce your suffering, build resilience despite the strife you are experiencing, and move forward with a greater sense of empowerment and inner peace.
This is what Life is all about.
Healing and practicing radical acceptance is an ongoing journey. Over time, it can help you find peace, clarity, and empowerment even in the face of life’s challenges.
There is often a silver lining even in situations you feel are overwhelming. Look for the silver lining as a way to grow and expand your mind and ability to overcome life’s difficulties.
It’s in there.
Looking to get out of the past and into the present? Let’s chat!