What's a Sexless Marriage? And How to Move Forward in a Healthy Way
What is a Sexless Marriage?
From the moment you hear the words, ‘til death do us part’, you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. You fantasize about all of the beautiful moments to come and cannot wait to embark on the journey of life with your spouse. As days turn into weeks and weeks turn into years, you will experience the highs and lows of tying your life to another individual. And for some couples, before you know it, you might find yourself in a sexless marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but as with most things in life, rarely is it perfect. Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of being with another person.
However, when you’re with someone for so long, issues can arise and some are harder than others to talk about.
What defines a Sexless Marriage?
A sexless marriage is a union between two individuals where there’s little to no physical sexual activity. It has also been defined as having sexual intercourse less than 10 times per year.
However, a sexless marriage doesn’t necessarily mean there is no emotional intimacy, though this can be the case, but not in all situations.
If you’re with the right person, sex, or lack of, will not make or break the relationship. If it’s a mutual decision you both agree upon, then continue to do what works best for your relationship. However, if this is something born out of unresolved marital issues, then it may be time to work them out or resentment can grow in the relationship.
Tackle problems before they lead to more serious issues.
But, there are ways that you definitely can tackle a sexless marriage and get back to living the life you want with your spouse:
Signs of a Sexless Marriage
1. Identify The Source Of The Problem.
Whatever the cause for the tension that’s resulting in a lack of sexual intercourse in your marriage may be, the first step is to acknowledge that there indeed is a problem. If not, the problem will continue to follow you around and affect other areas of your life, until resolved.
Going about as if everything is okay when clearly things are not, won’t help you, your spouse, or your marriage.
It is extremely difficult to address intimacy issues if you don’t know the source of them. Finding the root of the problem isn’t always easy and sometimes it may mean replaying old arguments, asking your partner outright, or analyzing your own feelings and thoughts. There are many common causes of a sexless marriage such as:
Sexual dysfunction
Communication issues
Stress
Identify the cause first, so you can figure out how to bring it up to your partner. Sex is as much a mental activity as it is a physical one so don’t downplay how much stress or communication can affect your bedroom activities. And often when you are talking about this issue, seldom is the conversation ‘one and done.’
It will no doubt take several discussions to get at the root of the problem. If you would like a FREE 15-Minute consultation to discuss these problems, and how we can work together, click the button below to get started.
interested in working together? let’s chat!
2. Communicate With One Another.
Couples need to come to an agreement that they want to work together to fix the issue. It’s one thing to acknowledge that there’s a problem but another thing to actually bring it up to your significant other.
Talking to your spouse about how the lack of sex is affecting your mental and emotional well-being can be difficult, however, it’s still necessary. You can approach this issue using a soft start-up, asking ‘when might be a good time to discuss this’ rather than just starting to talk about it. This allows both people to be in a good emotional place and space to start talking about this very sensitive issue.
Communication is crucial because it’ll be hard to fix something if one person isn’t aware of the problem. Properly discuss what’s bothering you, and why you think it’s a problem, and consider how to approach the situation.
3. Work Towards Fixing The Issue.
This step will look different for every relationship and the way you work on an issue may vary from how another couple works on theirs. Some problems, like those regarding sexual dysfunction, have easier fixes than others.
For men experiencing performance issues like erectile dysfunction, you can easily consult a doctor about how to improve erection performance and boost confidence.
Women on the other hand can conveniently grab lubrication and vaginal cream from various stores or suggest ways to spice up things in the bedroom.
However, some problems, like those regarding infidelity, are much harder to solve as they impact crucial aspects of a relationship like trust and loyalty. This may require you to seek a couples therapist so both of you can start to take steps to overcoming hurt and distrust.
4. Don’t Stop Trying and Giving Effort.
Once you identify the issues and work on fixing them, don’t stop. Giving up can seem tempting at times, especially if you’re working through a particularly rough patch with your spouse. As much as people don’t mention it, sex is actually an important aspect of relationships.
Intercourse with the right person can strengthen mental and emotional bonds, improve health, and create an everlasting connection between people on an intimate level. Whether it be infidelity or unmatched libidos causing your sexless marriage, you and your partner deserve to have the intimate relationship you both desire.
As long as you both are willing to work together to fix the problem, you should be on your way to a happier relationship and a healthier life.
In the end, just start.
