8 Ways You Settle In Your Relationship
Are you Settling for Less in your Relationship?
When things are not going well in our relationship, it’s common to start to think about it and assess if its still a good and healthy relationship for you. Whom you choose to spend your time with has a long-term impact on your happiness and health. So, are you settling for less in your relationship in ways that are affecting my emotional and mental health and well-being?
Suffice to say when we are in a relationship with a complete jerk, we like to believe that it would be easy to walk away. Almost a no-brainer. Almost.
But, relationships are seldom that cut and dry. Sometimes it’s the small nuances that trip you up and leave you scratching your head. You cannot quite put your finger on it but something definitely feels ‘off.’
And when it feels off, you start to question your relationship, and wonder:
Why do I feel this way?
Is he or she a good fit for me?
Do I continue to put my needs on the back burner?
What is preventing me from leaving?
Or is it me?
Am I being too needy or demanding?
Am I settling in this relationship?
Am I getting what I need?
These questions are all important things to ask, so don’t just ignore them.
If you are feeling like you have settled in a relationship, there is a reason for that.
Don’t dismiss your gut reaction. It is there for a reason. Let’s look over some of the key signs that you may be settling in a relationship.
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8 Signs that you might be settling in your relationship.
1.) You relinquish your values
You were raised with certain values. Values are the bedrock of who you are and what drives your choices in life. But if you find yourself ignoring and forsaking your values, you have to ask why you are doing that? Are you conceding your values that you have lived by, just to keep this person in your life? If so, why?
Unfortunately, many people do this. And what is the end result? Bitterness and resentment. Not living your life the way you want to. Eventually, that shit catches up with you.
2.) You justify their behaviors
You find that you justify your partner’s behaviors by ignoring what they are doing and telling yourself - ‘they are having a bad day’ or ‘they are stressed at work and that’s why they take out their frustration on me.’
We make excuses for their aberrant or toxic behavior because if not, then we have to accept our decision to stay in the relationship. When your friends and family start chiming in, it’s too easy to ignore what they are saying.
According to eHarmony, if you anticipate what your friends or family will say about your relationship, chances are you know deep down they are right because you feel the same way.
So don't shy away and ignore what you know to be true. Or what they are saying to you.
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3.) You hope they will change
Do you hope they will change so that you don’t have to leave? Or do you hope your partner change so you don’t have to? And in what ways do you want them to change? How much of what they are doing is impacting you and the relationship?
4.) You ignore the red flags.
Do you find that you are ignoring the red flags that are being waved in front of you? Some common red flags are not respecting your boundaries, they are consistently late, they don’t respect your views, they ignore you, or they gaslight you.
Relationship red flags are blatant shouldn’t be ignored. When we ignore the red flags you forsake your needs and happiness for another person. You should know your red flags and honor them because if not, they will eventually come back - because they always do- and haunt you until you pay attention to them.
5.) You have a fear of being alone
Are you afraid of being alone? If you find that you are, then there is something that is working much deeper you need to overcome. We become our best selves when we can be alone because then we make choices on what is good for you rather than reacting from your fear of being alone.
Ask yourself - why do I fear being alone? What causes this codependency you have with others? What feelings come up for you when you are alone? Are you experiencing loneliness? It is not uncommon for all of us to feel lonely at times or not like being alone. That’s ok.
Are there deeper feelings that keep you in an unhealthy relationship forsaking the things that are important to you? And is this a reason to stay in the relationship?
Explore the reasons for being alone so that if you choose to stay, you do so for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. This is key to preventing you from settling in the future.
6.) You do the emotional heavy lifting.
Are you doing most of the emotional heavy lifting in your relationship? If you are, you know how this feels. Ask yourself, am I the one working on the relationship? Do we both initiate? Do we both of you plan and organize? Are we both emotionally available for each other?
There’s a reason why they call it a partnership. Each person brings 100% to the relationship, not 50%.
7.) You feel that moving on is exhausting.
Do you find that you are settling and staying in the relationship because it feels exhausting to move on? What about the exhaustion you feel because you are settling? Yes, it can be challenging to start over and start dating again, but aren’t you worth it?
If you choose to continue to stay, it will be challenging for you to find someone who is a better fit for you because you have resigned yourself to the fact that you are just not worth it. Why do you feel this way about yourself? Go after the healthy relationship you deserve.
If you would like to discuss working together so you can start to move on and heal after a relationship, book a FREE 15-minute consultation with me by clicking the button below:
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8.) You lack self-importance
Do you feel like you lack self-importance? Do you find that you don’t value yourself as much as you would like to? If you feel that you settle for someone because you feel you are not good enough to have someone better in your life.
You might feel you lack self-importance.
The practice of self-respect and self-love starts at home but maybe you feel this is challenging. If you don't feel good about yourself, then you might find yourself picking someone who is not good for you and often in the same emotional place as you are.
If you are not in a good place in your life and don't feel good about yourself, you attract and end up with someone who is in the same place as you.
Owning your truth and making the changes to feel better about yourself will ultimately attract a person of a like mind. This is the work you need to do.
Leaning in and making these changes is often difficult. But in the end, worth it. Being kind and more compassionate towards yourself is the first step. Recognizing your strengths and the things you DO bring to the table will help you gain greater self-respect. Ultimately creating a new path for yourself.
Consider working on self-importance and finding someone who is healthy for you rather than settling for less in your relationship.
Final Thoughts on Settling in Relationships
Settling in a relationship is always a bad idea because it prevents you from growing and finding someone that is healthy and a better fit for you. You need to take the necessary steps to not settle in relationships.
The long answer to not settling is to absolutely take the time you need to reflect and understand what you need in a relationship and from the person who is a good fit for you in a healthy way.
Ask and answer yourself the important questions.
Demand more from yourself.
Work on overcoming any codependency you feel toward your partner.
Do a relationship inventory.
Make a commitment to yourself to be the change you need to be for yourself.
Take a step back and view your life and choices from a new lens that will ultimately put you in a healthier direction and relationship.
Choose wisely. Choose self.
Don’t settle for in a relationship! Get in touch now and discover how to take your relationship to the next level!
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